Wisdom when loneliness closes in
An excerpt from the book, Breath Again
We’re on this journey together, but loneliness can plague each of us no matter what age or stage we’re in—married, not married, single, young, old, healthy, or unhealthy. It can affect your physical, mental, and relational health. It can even impact your spiritual wellbeing.
God Is Listening
Loneliness can be overwhelming, but prayer is our direct line to God, assuring us that we are never truly alone. Through prayer, we connect with a community of believers and with God Himself.
When you’re facing trials, remember you’re not alone. You have a family in Christ, and we’re all here praying for you. God hears our cries of loneliness. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. Prayer is our reminder of His constant presence and unwavering love.
Before we look at what that practically looks like, let’s sit with Psalm 68:6 for a few minutes. It says, “God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land” (Psalm 68:6 ESV).
If you’re feeling like you’re in a parched land, ask yourself, Am I rebellious about what God’s intention is for my life? Take some time and be very honest with yourself. Only you can decide if loneliness could be a part of that.
Wisdom from People Like You
Over the years, I’ve been encouraged by the practical wisdom our listeners have shared with us— real people learning to live intentionally. Here’s some of the things they told us have helped them.
1. Go to church. The Bible says we’re not to forsake getting together with other believers (see Hebrews 10:25). One of the reasons church is so important is because we’re in community with others. One listener says it helps her rise above the loneliness she often feels. After you attend for a while, you will notice many opportunities for further involvement.
2. Remember Jesus is with you. One listener says, “When I start to feel like I’m missing out, I remember my Lord Jesus. He never leaves you. He’s always by your side. Sometimes we get caught up in the rubble and forget that He’s there. I’m not lonely because Jesus walks with me, and He will provide the right person if He feels that person is right for me.”
3. Count your blessings. A woman who lost her mother says, “I just want to say you’re never alone. The only answer is God. Being faithful, counting your blessings—just praying and knowing that God is there with you every step of the way, no matter how hard and no matter what you go through.”
4. Take care of yourself. “Your body is a temple,” another listener said. “Turn to God, eat healthy, work out, go outside.” Often these intentional acts can take us out of our own heads and into a different atmosphere or environment that helps the loneliness dissipate.
5. Have a prayer partner. A listener from Alabama loves the support and accountability of a special friend who is willing to share their lives, listen, and pray with him on a regular basis. You never know when you might need a person who is ready and willing to intercede when the going gets tough. Or when something good happens and you just need to tell someone!
6. Encourage others who appear lonely. One listener who is divorced with grown kids says, “What I found in my loneliness is I can identify others who might be lonely.” She reaches out to them with loving kindness. Being a good listener, tending to them in sickness, and offering human touch (with permission) all go a long way.
7. Focus on helping others. If you take the focus off of your own loneliness and begin to think of ways to help others, that nagging feeling will drop away. And if you choose to help others with a group that’s doing outreach, you’ll instantly be in community.
8. Break the inertia. Inertia means getting stuck, continuing to do the same thing and not getting better results. It is a state of mind. It begins with what we tell ourselves. That’s why the Bible tells us to take every thought captive out of obedience to Christ. Frankly, we can get lost in our thinking and in our emotions. One way to overcome that is to start behaving the way we want to become. Do non-lonely things!
We can get lost in our thinking and in our emotions. One way to overcome that is to start behaving the way we want to become.
I was speaking with a listener whose social interaction is limited by a strict diet and reactions to environmental chemicals, like medications, cleaners, fragrances, and lotions.
“One thing that has really helped me is being intentional by showing up to church,” she explained. She also joined a small group that’s studying a book about boundaries. “Being accountable to others and having to trust people when your trust has been broken is a very hard thing,” she said. “But I committed to the group. I continue to ask God to help me trust and to send me the right people, and He did.”
I told this listener that what she did was break the inertia of being stuck in loneliness.
ONE THING
Do one thing today that will break the inertia of being stuck in loneliness. Make a decision. It may be as simple as making a phone call, sending a text, or connecting with someone for coffee. But do one thing to get outside of your own loneliness and invest in the life of someone else who’s struggling today. That can be very powerful in your life!
Want to Be Intentional?
If loneliness has you feeling like your days don’t matter much, I want to encourage you with this: your ordinary life is already charged with Kingdom purpose. Our free 5-day YouVersion plan, No Ordinary Moments: Kingdom Work in Everyday Life, will help you see the people, spaces, and moments of your everyday life the way God sees them—alive with meaning and closer to His Kingdom than you think.
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