Trusting God and Staying Intentional
If you’re a parent estranged from your child, my heart goes out to you. Estrangement is one of the most painful experiences a parent can face. According to the American Psychological Association, 27% of Americans are estranged from at least one family member. For many, this includes sons or daughters who have chosen to walk away from their family, their values, and sometimes even their faith.
I hope some encouragement and biblical insights I share with you here might help as you navigate this painful road. I’ve worked with many families in similar situations, and I’ve seen how trusting God, staying patient, and maintaining hope can make all the difference.
The Pain of Estrangement
I’ve spoken with many parents who feel helpless when their children stray. You want to fix the situation—to pray more, intervene more, or drag them back to church. You might even think, If I just try harder, I can bring them back. But let me gently say, it doesn’t work that way.
I understand the desire to fix things. As a parent, it’s natural to want to take action. But we can’t control the hearts of our children. Sometimes the best thing we can do is pray like crazy and leave the door open for them to return.
Remember the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15? The father didn’t chase his son down the road or try to force him back. Instead, he waited patiently, kept his heart open, and prayed. When his son returned, he was ready to welcome him home—not to bring the chaos of his former life into the house, but to embrace him as a broken and changed person.
Joseph and His Family
The story of Joseph and his family in the Book of Genesis (Genesis 37–50) is a remarkable example of estrangement and reconciliation on multiple levels. Joseph’s brothers betrayed him and sold him into slavery out of jealousy and hatred. Their actions led to years of separation, with Joseph enduring slavery and imprisonment before rising to a position of power in Egypt.
Despite the betrayal, Joseph’s heart remained open to reconciliation. Years later, during a famine, his brothers unknowingly sought help from him in Egypt. Instead of seeking revenge, Joseph forgave them, saying: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20, NIV). Joseph not only forgave his brothers but restored the relationship and provided for them during their time of need.
Even the most complicated family estrangements can lead to restoration.
And Joseph’s estrangement extended to his father, Jacob, who believed for years that his son was dead. When Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers, he sent for his father. He brought him to Egypt so they could reunite. Genesis 46:29 describes the emotional moment when Joseph and Jacob saw each other again: “Joseph had his chariot made ready and went to Goshen to meet his father Israel. As soon as Joseph appeared before him, he threw his arms around his father and wept for a long time.”
God’s sovereignty works through pain and brokenness, often in ways we can’t see at first. Even the most complicated family estrangements can lead to restoration. Joseph’s forgiveness and open heart not only healed the relationship with his brothers but also brought him back to his father, reuniting their family in a way only God could orchestrate.
Biblical Wisdom for Parents of Estranged Children
Many parents cling to Proverbs 22:6 during difficult times: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (KJV). It’s God’s promise to you as you plant seeds in your child’s heart. Even if they stray, the values you’ve instilled in them can draw them back.
1 John 1:9 gives us another promise to hold onto: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (NIV). That applies not only to our children but to us as parents. If you’ve made mistakes along the way—and who hasn’t?—know that God offers grace for you too.
One thing I’ve learned is that God’s timeline doesn’t always match ours. Research shows that 81% of estrangements from mothers and nearly 70% of estrangements from fathers eventually lead to some level of reconciliation. While it may take time—sometimes years—there is often a path back to connection.
Practical Steps for Parents
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, here are three practical steps to take as you navigate this journey:
1. Pray Without Ceasing
Prayer is the foundation of hope. As parents, we may not be able to control our children’s choices, but we can bring them before the Lord every day. I’ve heard so many stories of parents who prayed for years—sometimes decades—and eventually saw their children return. Trusting God with your child is one of the hardest but most powerful things you can do.
As one mother said to me, “I prayed, ‘Lord, he’s yours. Take care of him.’” And you know what? It works. Trusting God with your children really does work.
Reconciliation requires change and healing on both sides.
2. Keep the Door Open
One of the hardest parts of estrangement is finding the balance between setting boundaries and maintaining openness. In Luke 15, the father didn’t close the door on his son. When his son decided to come back, he knew he was welcome. Reconciliation requires change and healing on both sides.
3. Be Patient and Hopeful
Estrangement often feels like a waiting game, and waiting can be excruciating. But as the story of the estranged son reminds us, transformation often begins when the person hits their lowest point. In the story, the son literally found himself in a pigpen and realized, “This is stupid. I’m going home.” Sometimes, our children need to reach that “aha” moment on their own. In the meantime, our role is to wait, pray, and trust that God is working behind the scenes.
The Role of Faith and Forgiveness
Estrangement can strain not only your relationship with your child but also your faith. It’s easy to feel abandoned or wonder why God isn’t answering your prayers.
God knows what it’s like to have estranged children. He longs for all of us to come to Him, yet He doesn’t force us. Instead, He waits patiently, with open arms, ready to forgive and restore.
Forgiveness is a big part of this journey. That doesn’t mean ignoring the hurt or pretending everything is fine. But it does mean choosing to let go of resentment and being willing to rebuild the relationship when the time comes.
As C.S. Lewis famously said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” That’s true for you and your child. No matter how far apart you feel right now, there’s always hope for a new chapter.
Hope for the Future
If you’re a parent of an estranged child, please believe me: it’s never too late. Whether your child is 17 or 70, God can work in their life. And whether you’ve been praying for a few months or a few decades, your prayers matter.
Living an intentional life starts with making a decision today. Choose to:
- Trust God with your child.
- Pray without ceasing.
- Keep the door open, even when it’s hard.
- Believe that reconciliation is possible, no matter how hopeless it might feel.
God welcomes all of us back when we stray. He forgives, cleanses, and restores. And He can do the same for your child.
If you’re feeling discouraged, remember that God is faithful and just, and He sees your pain. You’re supported by a God who loves you and your child more than you can imagine.
You never know how God might use your faithfulness to write a beautiful ending to your story.
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