Trust Him to make up the difference
How does it feel to be loved? Perhaps you’d say love is feeling –
- Secure.
- Comforted.
- Accepted.
- Validated.
- Important.
- Valued.
When I met Donna, we were teenagers. It wasn’t very long before I realized she was a special young lady. Maybe you’ve imagined falling in love is like walking along, and there’s a manhole, and the cover has been removed and – you just fall in. You just kind of disappear, but that’s not the way it happens.
Donna and I’ve been married over 50 years. I keep telling her I love her more now than I did then. The years continue to pass and change, but there’s something about feeling that love when you’re with someone. I’m not talking about just in marriage, although that’s critical. If you feel unloved and you’re married, some particularly complicated and difficult things have occurred.
When we talk about love, we’re not only talking about romantic love, sexual love or those kinds of intimate loving experiences, but it’s also about being accepted and feeling loved in our other important relationships.
We live in a hard, difficult and unloving world.
In fact, recent surveys show that 52% of Americans report feeling lonely. We can feel alone in a marriage. We can feel alone in a lot of different situations even though we’re with other people.
And we can be alone. Some of you who are single can feel loved and appreciated and still live alone.
It’s not always proximity that makes the difference for someone feeling loved. Let’s talk about how God cares for the unloved.
Much of the music played on Family Life Radio is for those who feel unloved, lonely and are looking for God’s love. Through the music, they’re experiencing God’s love. Because of you, we are able to help people who are feeling disconnected and unloved in their life to feel loved, accepted and valued … by God.
God has a special place in his heart for those who feel unloved.
In this teaching, I’ll share four stories of people who are unloved, but in different ways. We’ll look at how God responded to these four people in Scripture.
LEAH
Leah, Rachel and Jacob’s story is often focused on Jacob finding his beautiful bride and working for 14 years of service so he could marry her. We don’t usually stop and talk about what Leah must have experienced.
Leah and Rachel were sisters; Leah was the oldest of the two, and Scripture says that Rachel was the pretty one. Genesis 29:17 says, “Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance” (ESV). Leah was not the one who caught Jacob’s eye.
Jacob went to Rachel’s father and asked if he could marry Rachel. Her father, Laban – a shrewd guy— said, “Work for me for seven years and you can have her.” So, Jacob did.
Seven years later, on the wedding night, Rachel’s father switched Rachel with Leah. And when Jacob woke up the next morning, he pulled back the covers and to his surprise, and not to his delight, he had married Leah (Genesis 29:25).
He went to his father-in-law and asked, “What’s the deal?”
Laban says, “It’s our custom. The oldest must be married off first. If you want Rachel, there’s seven more years of work. Jacob happily agreed because he loved Rachel” (Genesis 29:26). Jacob didn’t have to wait seven years to marry Rachel, but he had to commit to work for his father-in-law for another seven years.
How would you feel if you were Leah?
Genesis 29:30 says, “Then Jacob also went to Rachel” (ESV). He consummated his marriage to Rachel, the one he loved the most.
As a marriage counselor, the last part of that verse caught my eye … “and he loved Rachel more than Leah.” This was put in Scripture for a reason. Leah was tolerated, needed and stuck. She wasn’t first; she was second.
How does it feel to be number two in an important relationship where you should be number one?
It’s also important in any relationship to recognize when you’re being tolerated and not really being accepted or loved.
God responded to Leah, the unloved, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless” (Genesis 29:31 NIV).
God has a way of making up the difference for those feeling unloved.
God did something for Leah that didn’t happen for Rachel. And this became a major issue for Rachel, especially in her relationship with Leah.
One of the beautiful things you find, if you study Scripture and genealogy, is Jesus came from the lineage of Leah, not Rachel. God has a way of making up the difference.
If you feel unloved in a relationship, it’s important to trust God. You don’t know how He’s going to make up the difference, but He will. In Leah’s case, He did an amazing thing. He opened her womb, which is a really big deal, especially for a woman who lived during this period and in this culture.
Leah’s story is a testament that God sees even when others don’t see. You don’t see Leah’s father stepping up and doing anything about Leah’s situation. You just hear about Leah being the unloved and tolerated one.
Today, you can be in a relationship where you don’t feel accepted and valued for who you are but only tolerated because of what you can contribute. That hurts, but remember, God has a way of making up the difference.
Mary Magdalene
We refer to this woman as Mary Magdalene simply because her name was Mary and she lived in Magdala, a small village on the Sea of Galilee.
Possessed by evil spirits, Mary Magdalene was damaged emotionally and spiritually. Historians report a spirit possessed or an evil possessed person during this time, didn’t receive help or support. They were miserable, abused and rejected people.
Mary Magdalene was unloved in society. She probably lived away from people and may have been rejected by her family or people who once were her friends. Mary Magdalene has been portrayed as an attractive woman who followed Jesus, but at this point in her life she was a miserable person, living in an unloved situation, possessed.
We have people in our culture today who are unloved simply because of who they are. They’re social outcasts. They don’t look like we look, nor behave like we think they should. We drive by them on the streets every day.
What’s God’s response?
Not a lot is said about Mary Magdalene. Many teach that she was a prostitute, but there’s no evidence of that in Scripture. She had an encounter with Jesus, and He healed her, removed the evil spirits and changed her life. She became a follower of Christ, and she spent the rest of her life following Him.
God made up the difference. Easter morning, Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene (Mark 16:9-11).
In the culture in which Jesus lived, women were rejected, but He elevated the importance and value of women.
God made up the difference of Mary being unloved when Jesus healed her of these seven demons, brought her into his circle of influence and then, in God’s master plan, He orchestrated for Mary to be the first one to see Him risen from the dead.
If you have friends or relatives who are social outcasts, God will restore those who will follow Him.
Hagar
God promised Sarah and Abraham they would have a child and become the parents of a major generation of people. Sarah was infertile and became very impatient. And she tells Abraham to go to Hagar, Sarah’s Egyptian servant, and have a child with her (Genesis 16:1-3).
And so, Abraham obeys his wife and Hagar conceives. Genesis 16:4 says, “He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress” (NIV). Just picture the jealousy that would have developed in that relationship between Sarah and Hagar.
Sarah was not happy. She complained for years and finally, Abraham was done. “’Your slave is in your hands,’ Abram said. ‘Do with her whatever you think best.’ Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her” (Genesis 16:6 NIV).
Hagar ran away from Sarah, rejected.
“The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness … The angel of the Lord said to her, ‘Return to your mistress and submit to her.’ The angel of the Lord also said to her, ‘I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude’” (Genesis 16:7, 9-10 ESV). And God fulfilled that promise to her through her son, Ishmael.
Some of you, especially those of you in intimate and close relationships in marriage or with family, have been rejected and know the pain and deep hurt associated with that.
For Hagar, God stepped in and said I’ll make you a mighty nation, as well. What did that do to her heart? We see it in Scripture later, she really appreciated that Jehovah God would step in and do this for her.
God will encourage those “stuck” in an unloving relationship. Maybe you’ve been through a relationship, or you’ve been divorced, and yet there’s still entanglement and issues. Maybe you still feel trapped, obligated or know you’re needed, but not loved. God will make up the difference.
The criminal on the cross
The guy on the cross next to Christ was there because of his crimes. We don’t see any evidence of anyone there who loved him — no reference in Scripture of parents, spouse, children or friends. He’s there, dying alone. Humanly speaking, he was getting what he deserved, unloved and condemned.
A lot of people feel that way — condemned, lost, guilty and unloved.
And this man turned to Jesus and said, “Remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42 ESV).
In their dying moments, Jesus said to him “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43 ESV).
It’s never too late.
If you don’t know Christ, come to him today. He loves you. He’s the ultimate provider of all the attributes we talked about here — what it feels like to be loved, valued, cherished and important. That’s what God gives us. When we step up to the point of saying to Him, “I’m a sinner. Come into my life. Be my Savior.” He loves us no matter who we are, where we’ve been or what we’ve done. He doesn’t tolerate us. He doesn’t use us. He doesn’t abuse us in our relationship with Him. He loves us.
God makes up the difference because –
- He sees us when others don’t.
- He understands us when others don’t.
- He acts in positive ways in our life when others don’t.
- He cares for us when others don’t.
I pray that we will become sensitive to those around us, to be loving to people, accepting in terms of pointing people ultimately to the Father, because He’s the only one that can make up the difference.
BONUS TEACHING FOR EXCLUSIVE MEMBERS!
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