Why Submission Isn’t a Dirty Word
Let’s be honest. I like control.
You probably do too. Most of us do. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, “You know what I need more of in my life? Submission.” It’s not a popular word. It doesn’t get much applause. It certainly doesn’t trend on social media.
But submission—real, biblical submission—isn’t about weakness or losing your voice. It’s about choosing something greater than control. It’s about trust. It’s about community. And ultimately, it’s about Christ.
Ephesians 5:21 tells us plainly: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That one verse alone will challenge everything you thought you knew about strength.
When You Want to Lead Everything
I’ve been in leadership most of my adult life. Family life. Ministry life. Organizational life. And I’ve learned something: you can’t grow a strong team, a healthy marriage, or a faithful walk with God if you’re always trying to control everything.
There’s a better way. And it starts with trusting God to work not just through you, but through others.
Reframing Submission
I used to think submission was something that only happened in military ranks or dysfunctional relationships. But Scripture tells a different story.
Submission is not passivity. It’s not silence. It’s not shrinking back.
Submission is strength under control.
It’s saying, “I could push for my way here—but I won’t. Not because I’m afraid, but because I trust God’s way is better.”It’s choosing unity over ego. Harmony over hierarchy. Surrender over self-promotion.
Philippians 2:3–4 says it this way: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (NIV).
Mutual Trust, Not One-Way Street
In relationships, there are times I submit to you. There are times you submit to me. And we both submit to Christ. Why? Because we’re in this together. We don’t submit out of fear—we submit out of reverence.
This is what real community looks like.
- A marriage where both partners are listening and learning.
- A staff team where people value each other’s voices.
- A church where roles matter, but relationships matter more.
Submission doesn’t erase our differences—it’s what protects and celebrates them.
Control Looks Strong, But It’s Not
I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned that grabbing for control is exhausting. It might feel productive in the short term, but it isolates us in the long term.
You stop listening.
You stop receiving.
You stop depending on anyone else—and eventually, that includes God.
James 4:6–7 reminds us, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. Submit yourselves, then, to God” (ESV). That’s the submission I’m talking about. The kind that turns down our volume, and turns up God’s voice.
Letting Go Is How We Grow
There have been times in leadership, and even in my marriage, where I’ve had to pause and remind myself:“This isn’t about being right. It’s about being aligned.”
If I’m always trying to win or lead or direct, I miss the opportunity to listen—to see where God is already at work in someone else.
Sometimes my greatest leadership has come when I stepped back.
Sometimes my best parenting came when I let go of control and chose presence instead.
And yes, sometimes the greatest gift I could give Donna was simply to say, “I don’t need to have the last word here.”
There’s a Battle Bigger Than Me
Ephesians 6:12 makes this crystal clear, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers… against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (ESV).
There’s a spiritual battle happening—and it’s bigger than my pride or your preferences. And no one wins a spiritual battle alone. Submission is how we stay united in the fight.I t’s how we stay covered when we’re weary. It’s how we invite others to speak truth into our lives when we’re too tired to hear it ourselves.
If I’m too busy trying to lead everything, I might miss the very reinforcements God is sending to help me.
So Who Are You Submitting To?
Not in a top-down way. Not in a “do as I say” kind of way. But in a spirit of mutual respect and trust—who do you allow to speak into your life?
Because the truth is, the people you trust enough to submit to are usually the people who are also submitting to Christ.
I want those people around me. I want that kind of community.
Not yes-men. Not mindless agreement. But truth-tellers, soul-friends, and Spirit-led teammates.
One Thing Today: Lay It Down
So here’s my one thing for today—and maybe it’s yours too: Where do I need to lay down control and pick up trust?
- Maybe it’s in a conversation you’ve been putting off.
- Maybe it’s in your marriage.
- Maybe it’s in a team or committee where you’ve been white-knuckling the outcome.
Proverbs 3:5–6 offers this invitation: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (NIV).
Can I challenge you to take one step today? Not to be passive. But to be purposeful. Not to give up—but to give over. To let God use your humility as a channel for His power.
Final Thought
Submission isn’t about losing. It’s about gaining something better:
- Peace.
- Perspective.
- Partnership.
- Purpose.
In a culture obsessed with being the boss of everything, let’s choose the better way. Let’s submit to one another—not out of pressure, but out of reverence for Christ. Because that’s where the real strength lives.
