5 things hurting parents can do
Dr. Randy Carlson, with wisdom from Sue Bolin of Probe Ministries
As a parent, few things cut deeper than hearing your child say, “I don’t believe in God anymore.” Maybe they grew up memorizing Scripture. Maybe they sang worship songs at summer camp. You saw them experience God in real ways. And now—whether quietly or with defiance—they’ve walked away.
If you’re living through that heartbreak, I want you to hear this loud and clear:
- It’s not over.
- You’re not alone.
- And God isn’t done.
1. Let Love Lead
When someone rejects faith, especially someone we’ve raised and prayed over, it’s easy to respond with preaching. But Sue Bolin, a longtime voice of wisdom from Probe Ministries, encourages us to flip that script.
“Don’t try to cram your religion down their throat… instead, affirm who they are, what you appreciate about how God made them.” —Sue Bolin
That’s living the truth. Remember 1 John 4:7: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (ESV).
Let your child know your love hasn’t changed—even if their beliefs have.
2. Wait with Open Arms
In the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15), the father doesn’t chase his son down the road. He lets him go, and he waits. Not passively—but prayerfully. He allowed God to do His work.
As parents, it’s tempting to panic or push. But we’re not called to pressure our kids into belief—we’re called to love them through unbelief. Trust that God knows the road your child is on. Your role is to stand on the porch of grace—watching, praying, ready.
3. Acknowledge the Pain—Theirs and Yours
Many kids don’t leave faith because they stopped believing. They leave because they’re hurting. They’ve experienced pain, loss, disappointment—and they blame God.
“When somebody says, ‘Fine, I’ll show you God. I don’t believe in you anymore,’ the reality is—they haven’t stopped believing. They’re just angry.” —Sue Bolin
Acknowledge their pain without trying to fix it. Tell them, “I’m so sorry you’re carrying this wound. I can’t take it away, but I love you deeply.”
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (NIV).
And don’t hide your own hurt. It’s okay to grieve, cry, and share your heart. Just remember: this pain is not the end of the story.
4. You’re Not the Holy Spirit
When our kids reject what we hold most dear, it feels personal. But their journey is not a referendum on your parenting. It’s part of their spiritual process. And as much as we love them, we cannot change their hearts.
While your love and prayers are vital, only the Holy Spirit can truly transform a heart—especially when a child is questioning or walking away from faith.
You can plant seeds. You can keep loving. But salvation? That’s God’s work.
5. Pray—Even When You Don’t See Change
When your child is far from God, you may feel helpless. But you are never powerless.
“There is nothing like wearing out your knees in prayer.” —Sue Bolin
Whether your child is 16 or 60, prayer reaches farther than your voice ever could. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. Keep knocking.
Romans 12:12 reminds us to “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (NIV).
Even if you can’t see it yet, God is working.
Your child may seem hardened. Maybe they mock your faith, avoid spiritual conversations, or roll their eyes when you talk about Jesus.
But as Sue so beautifully described it—they’re not lost. They may just be spiritually blind. “Only God can slice spiritual cataracts off the eyes of the heart.”
Like physical cataracts, spiritual blindness doesn’t happen overnight. It builds over time, one hurt, lie, or distraction at a time. But God is still in the business of healing.
So What Should You Do—Starting Today?
- Love your child fiercely—without conditions.
- Affirm their worth, especially when it has nothing to do with faith.
- Pray out loud for them every morning—even if it’s just one sentence.
You may not see a return tomorrow, next week, or even next year. But you’re living intentionally—planting seeds, not ultimatums. And one day, by God’s grace, you just might be the first person they call when they want to find their way home.
If this resonates with your heart, share this with another parent who’s grieving quietly. Let’s walk this hard road together—intentionally.
And for more encouragement, check out why kids leave the faith—and what parents can do about it.
